Blog : Confidence

Be a Badass

Be a Badass

I have seen some really inspiring films about women recently – and more often than not they are being a badass.

To me, badass doesn’t mean they are arrogant, ego-driven, or that they set out to hurt people. Badass means being authentic.

When you’re a badass, you feel confident, powerful, grounded and you stand up for yourself and others. You have a deep connection with your true self and you stand by your power.

Sometimes though, I find it hard to be badass. I often shy away from confrontation and the whispers of my gut. Even though I can’t always act out what I viscerally feel to be true, I do listen to it.

I need a chain of events to escalate the feeling, and often I let the chain break; I think it takes me quite a lot to feel confident.

For me, confidence is a fragile, elusive and vulnerable essence – the kind of confidence that isn’t fronted with aggression and ego. Instead, this is the ‘I’ve got your back’ kind of confidence that takes the presence of a wall, built up behind you to stop you from tumbling down if you get knocked.

My job really pushes me to be vulnerable and can often highlight to me a lack of confidence.

So why on earth do I make films?

Well, it doesn’t mean that, just because I can lack confidence, that I don’t believe that one day I will be ‘confident’. I put myself in difficult places to learn, to feel, and to respond. Some people may see that as a punishment – but I see it as a way of life.

I may change down the line, but right now I want to be better, stronger and more connected to myself, and my way of progressing is to put myself in an uncomfortable place, outside of my comfort zone.

It doesn’t matter how people connect, show authenticity or feel confident, whether it takes a piece of clothing, a religion, a mindful practice, or affirmations. I personally have an antique Japanese silk coat that gives me confidence!

As long as we acknowledge that there is a part of us, no matter how small, that does offer a spark of confidence, this is enough for now.

Go gently and nurture that knowing.

 

 

No one said it would be easy.

No one said it would be easy.

When I decided to become self employed, no one ever said it would be easy. In fact, I had a lot of people warning me about the endless hours or work, the tax and account bore, the difficulty in taking time off to rest and holidays with no pay, the constant worry of where work would come from next…the list went on.

At the time I was 25 years and had never found any work situation that had made me excited and make me spring out of bed, (if that is even possible.)

I knew what I loved to do and that was to create, to make films. It made sense to me to make my work something that I loved to do, why do anything else?

For the first time, I felt the hunger. The hunger to learn every aspect of business to make this work, whatever ‘this’ was. I set out to make sure I had help where I had weaknesses. I went through The Princes Trust, The Bideford Bridge Trust and found lots of amazing courses with North Devon Plus, Princes Trust, Women do Business, School of Social Entrepreneurs and many more. I came out with a healthy grant, a 2 year mentor ship and better knowledge.

None of this felt difficult it came quite naturally to me to want to learn how to make a living from my love.

Something that has been very interesting and difficult at times was protecting my love. Once you step into Business territory you have many people telling you how to get sales, to market, to remove emotion, to hard sell, to get the biggest clients, to win, to trample your competitors. It becomes, you against the world, and the love is easily lost, is too easily forgotten. This is all good advice and often works in business, however, it doesn’t work for every business and I constantly ask myself why I am doing this, working endless hours, working hard to learn, to progress, to evolve and its for the love.

The love is the only thing that is IMPORTANT. If the love makes you money, great, if it simply makes you happy then that is more than enough.

No one said it would be easy and sometimes it’s not, but as long as you protect your love, then it is all easier than you may think or expect.

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